The List: Top 10 T.V Sidekicks (…that doesn’t include Robin)

Friends. How many of us have them? Most everybody needs a good BFF (you know, like that Paris Hilton show) to listen to our never ending complaints, to be the accomplice in a ridiculous scheme, and to be the fall guy when said plan inevitably goes to shit. In most cases, the best pal can even be the more talented better half of the duo, forced to play second fiddle to a person incapable of tying their shoes without moral guidance. We here at the Fandom Menace tip our caps to those whose sole duty is to make their cohorts look good. Here is the ten best sidekicks in television!

10. Al Borland (Home Improvement)

Al is the man’s man’s sidekick. Co-host to Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor on “Tool Time”, the show within the show (Yo dawg, we heard you like shows…), Al provided the perfect straight man to Tim’s ridiculous and often reckless persona. With his never ending supply of plaid shirts, and his signature catchphrase “I don’t think so, Tim”, Al made sure that whatever Tim had planned, at least he wasn’t going to burn down the studio and kill everybody inside. So if you think you know how to build things, but in reality you know that you are more than likely going to kill yourself trying to buy patio furniture at Home Depot, then Al Borland is the right sidekick for you.

We would of went with Heidi, but a lack of beard is instant disqualification.

9. Barney Rubble (The Flintstones)

Loveable Barney has been the “Yes Man” to Fred Flintstone for over 50 years of comedy. Barney paved the way for many sidekicks that would follow in his caveman footsteps. It’s pretty obvious that Fred wasn’t the sharpest rock in the stone quarry, but Barney’s unyielding love for his friend ensured that he looked like the moron while Fred was the smart one (which if you have ever seen an episode of the show, you would know that those roles are clearly reversed). Barney is perfect for any short-tempered oaf with a need to talk down to somebody smaller than them.

And he'll help you get lung cancer to boot!

8. Paul Pffeifer (The Wonder Years)

Every young man entering into the confusing world of life needs a friend like Paul. For all of his Kevin’s faults, Paul was always there to make him look that much better by comparison. It is in our humble opinion that if it weren’t for Paul’s unrelenting odor of nerdiness that he gave off, Kevin would have never stood a chance with the caliber of women he was involved with. To put it simply, Paul Pffeifer may be the best wingman that any average Joe could ask for.

7. Waylon Smithers (The Simpsons)

Talk about a guy who gets treated like dirt. Not only does Mr. Smithers act as the only logical person running the show at the Springfield Power Plant, but he is so devoted to his boss that it has crossed over to pure obsession. Mr. Smithers is a loyal sidekick with a good heart (when he isn’t busy shooting Mr. Burns in the chest), perfect for any rich billionaire with every intention of committing evil deeds and the unwillingness to get his hands dirty

We're pretty sure that he bleached himself yellow because Mr. Burns is pro slavery

6. George Costanza (Seinfeld)

There is only one way to describe the type of friend George Costanza is. Say, for instance, you got a flat tire while driving to a movie. Because it took so long to change the tire, you missed the first 25 minutes of the movie. Now you could call George, and he would tell you that his day consisted of losing his job, getting dumped by yet another woman, his life is a joke, and he is going bald. You would think that this would be a terrible type of person to have to deal with, but George was different. For every awful thing that happened to him, he knew that this was his lot in life. And instead of fixing it, he would rather get revenge or con his way through his existence. Everybody needs a self deprecating (yet hilarious) loser like George Costanza in their life.

You can't get more self deprecating than that...

5. Mr. Spock (Star Trek)

Spock is the ultimate nerdy sidekick. For those of you who don’t know, Mr. Spock was the Science Officer/First Officer aboard the USS Enterprise under Captain James T. Kirk. For every ounce of arrogance that Kirk oozed from his pores, Spock was there to make sure that he didn’t get himself into too much trouble. Through the course of the show you watched them develop a very honest and true friendship. They relied on one another, they loved each other.

Don't go and try to find a picture to depict their relationship. The internet is a sick and disturbing place.

4. Milhouse Van Houten (The Simpsons)

What an odd pairing indeed. On almost every account, Milhouse is the polar opposite of Bart Simpson. He is considered a geek (although his intelligence is questionable) and Bart for the most part is a cool prankster. Milhouse would be the perfect scapegoat if it weren’t for his consistent moments on ratting Bart out. Granted, Bart does deserve to get into trouble considering all of the shit he has put Milhouse through (he got him placed on to the FBI’s Most Wanted List for Christ’s sake). But through it all, Milhouse stays loyal to Bart, and that is why Bart stays loyal to him.

Just don't expect him to share his video games with you.

3. K.I.T.T (Knight Rider)

There are few things cooler than a 1982 Pontiac Trans Am. Well, there are quite a few things cooler than a 1982 Pontiac Trans Am actually, but can your Trans Am fucking talk!? No, didn’t think so! KITT is quite possibly the greatest idea conceived by men trying to kick ass and get laid. With its sleek design, infinite number of gadgets and weaponry, and the voice of an angel, KITT was the ultimate car for any 1980’s man full of coke attempting to get to the nightclub. He was a GPS, chauffeur, armored tank, and chick magnet all rolled up into one. And you know damn well had Michael Knight been trying to fight crime on his own, he would of been dead before the end of the first episode.

This man needs all the help he can get...

2. Samuel “Screech” Powers (Saved by the Bell)

Let’s be honest, Screech was a terrible character. He was a super nerd and an idiot at the same time, his clothes were embarrassing (and that’s saying a lot when you’re standing next to AC Slater and his acid wash Hammer pants), and he constantly ruined whatever scheme his buddy Zack was attempting to pull that particular week.

Pictured: A douchebag.

So how can this ‘tard be this high on the list? Because he is willing to do anything for you. Seriously. You want him to electrocute himself? Done. You want fake ID’s made? Sure! You want to be class valedictorian even though he clearly earned it over you? Go right ahead! The kid is clearly out to seek your affection and your approval. He is the most loyal lapdog we’ve ever seen. Speaking of dogs… You might want to be weary of his recent feces-related exploits involving hookers and video cameras.

Pictured: An even bigger douchebag

1. Kato (The Green Hornet)

In the history of crime fighting, few heroes have had the pleasure of obtaining a sidekick that barely resembles Kato on a bad day. Britt Reid, a.k.a “The Green Hornet”, hit pay dirt with this guy. Sure, Reid had the money and the ability to make all the the vehicles and gadgets that the vigilantes used, but it’s quite possible that Kato could of done all of his ass kicking without a single iota of help from anybody. The basic plot of the show went like this: Britt Reid learned of crime happening somewhere. The Green Hornet would be driven by Kato to where the crime was happening. The Green Hornet would unsuccessfully attack the bad guys and get captured in the process. Finally Kato (making sure that he gave the bad guys the advantage) would spring into action, save The Green Hornet, and ultimately the day. This happened constantly! Kato is the ultimate crime fighting accessory, and he doesn’t mind being second fiddle to your foolish attempts at being a superhero! No ego, all fists.

Oh, did we mention that the role of Kato was played by BRUCE FUCKING LEE!?

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~ by Brandon Gnuschke on June 28, 2011.

3 Responses to “The List: Top 10 T.V Sidekicks (…that doesn’t include Robin)”

  1. Isn’t Mr. Smithers gay and that’s why he is always doing as Mr. Burns says? I’m not sure if I would want a sidekick that would dream of me flying through their window at night. EEP!
    Now, can I please have Kato as my side kick? I want those amazing cars and those yummy coffee drinks with the pretty picture in the morning.
    Damn. I wish I had a cool useful sidekick… : )

    • Actually, although Smithers claims to be gay, the writers of the show say he is a “Burnsasexual” meaning that he is only attracted to Mr. Burns.

  2. NO SHAWN HUNTER???

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