The Connoisseur of Comedy: Christy’s Top 10 Chick Flicks (No Heigl)

So with the recent success of “Bridesmaids” and with “Friends with Benefits” coming out this weekend it got me thinkin’ about my favorite chick flicks. After all I am a chick, last I checked. So what defines a “chick flick?” In my research I found that it’s really kinda open to interpretation. It can be a straight up love story, a story about women empowerment, a romantic comedy or even a musical. But I mean lets face it the majority of chick flicks now days are romantic comedies and as I am The Connoisseur of Comedy (Oh and I will be capitalizing it from now on as it is now my official title) I figured my list of Christy’s Top 10 Chick Flicks (No Heigl) should be strictly comedy based.  That being said you won’t find any “Katherine Heigl dredge,” in my list because to put it simply she’s not funny. And as much as I love some of those heart wrenching dramatic chick flicks…well lets face it they wouldn’t have made it into my top 10 anyway ‘cuz I hate depressing movies. Goddamn you “The Last Song” I knew Greg Kinear had the cansker and I still cried fer like an hour!

Let me begin by first saying this list also does not include anything that can be considered a teen movie because that in itself is a whole other genre. Also, no “Princess Bride” because enough guys like it that it couldn’t possibly be considered a straight chick flick. Enough stalling, it’s business time!

You can’t blame a girl for having a faux relationship with a guy she’s been secretly in love with and let his family believe it too while he’s in a coma…can you? I mean she only wanted to be loved and to know what it’s like to have a family. And the fact that she falls for his brother instead is just the icing on the romantic cake. I mean, she wasn’t cheating or anything. The fact that said girl is played by the great Sandra Bullock doesn’t hurt either. She brings a certain warmth and vulnerability to the character that most actresses’ (Heigl) just can’t pull off. And the cute little line at the end that includes the title, “…I told him it was while you were sleeping.” Don’t you just love that!?!

I almost didn’t wanna include this one ‘cuz I think a lot of guys like it too, or maybe it’s just Nick? But I had to, I mean Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore are so great together. Who knew Fallon could act, right? I love it when he shows up to her place and she has food poisoning. He stays with her and takes care of her even though she’s disgustingly green and puking. The movie is based on a British novel of the same name written by Nick Hornby but in the novel the sport was football (soccer to us Americans) not baseball. A good choice on the part of the writers as it was an American release and you can’t get more American than baseball. Also, you gotta love that the original script called for the Sox loosing and the two of them splitting up for good. But because in the real world the Red Sox won the World Series for the first time in 86 years they changed the ending and the two ended up staying together. If that’s not fate I don’t know what is? He was gonna sell his frickin’ seats for her!

Every chick I know loves this movie. I mean, come on ladies help me out. How many times in your life have you felt exactly like Bridget? I often have nicknames for people that I say only in my head, “Fitzpervert…Fitzpervert…Fitzpervert.” And then I can’t remember they’re real name. The moment the opening credits started and there sits Bridget alone in her apartment singing All By Myself while getting very intoxicated, I knew I was gonna LOVE that movie. I’m not usually moved or even impressed much by anything Renee Zellweger does but the role of Bridget Jones is one of those rare situations where the actor and the role were most definitely MADE for each other. Bridget Jones, a blonde slightly overweight British woman who’s not really a head turner, kind of a plain Jane really, but there’s something about her that makes you want to know more about her. Wait British!?! I know, I know, Renee Zellweger is most definitely not British. And because of this the Britts were pissed. Not only was she an American but an American from Texas!?! The movie was after all based on the beloved Brittish Novel by Helen Fielding and to the Britts an American playing their beloved Bridget was like a slap in the face. Luckily for us the production had faith in Zellwager and she will forever in our minds be Bridget Jones. If I’m not doing a good job selling this here’s a ‘lil something that my fellow Fandom guys can get behind. One of Bridget’s friends is played by James Callis, that’s right, Gaius Baltar! “ Tom, eighties pop icon who only wrote one hit record then retired because he found out that one record was quite enough to get him laid for the whole of the nineties…Total poof of course.” All in all, this movie has something for everyone whether that is man fights, Colin Furth, short skirts or Gaius Baltar. It’s just too bad the sequel didn’t measure up.

Another great movie with a truly terrible sequel. Why must we ruin a movie with a perfectly good ending by giving it such an unwatchable sequel!?!  Whatever, I just pretend it never happened, lets do that now shall we? “I’m Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods.” A chick with a dream and a Chihuahua, look out world! Seriously though, she follows her ex to law school to try and win him back? Puke! But then she gets there and kinda kicks ass at the whole law thing. You start to look past why she’s there in the first place and so does she. She finds some more positive role models along the way, teaches Jennifer Coolidge a little “bend and snap” and she realizes that she’s actually smarter than anyone has ever given her credit for. Her major goes from winning back her ex to… well, law. Oh, and did I mention she does find love, just with someone else 😉

There’s no way you can say that this movie was a, “Big mistake, huge!” It launched Julia Robert’s career and gave hope to hookers everywhere. Don’t worry we all know that’s not how it really works. But how much do you love it when she goes back to the dress shop and rubs her new look and oodles of shopping bags in the sales girl’s snobby little faces? “Yeah, like those sales girls in Beverly Hills aren’t bigger whores than she is?” (Romy, Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion)

Aw yes, a true classic. Remember when Rob Reiner made good movies? I know, I know what you’re thinking, “at number five, really?” Just remember this is my top 10 and I gotta admit that as much as I love Billy Crystal and I do LOVE Billy Crystal, I just have too many other favorites that outweigh this movie.  We all love that it’s this unconventional love story and it’s about two friends that fall in love but I have a major problem with this premise and I just wanna say to all the stupid guys/girls out there that think this will happen to them, “Don’t fuckin’ count on it!” You probably won’t, she probably won’t and don’t waist your time making friends with a bunch of girls/guys that you want to become best friends with so that someday it will blossom into love. If you like a girl/guy ask them out. You’re not gonna get anywhere making “friends” with them. Sorry, bad personal experience. Anyway, like I said I love this movie and who doesn’t think about the scene in the deli whenever they think of this movie, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

I friggin’ LOVE this movie! LOVE IT!!! I know I’m probably going to get some shit for putting it so high up on my list but I don’t care. I feel it’s one of the most under rated romantic comedies of all time and by far my favorite Meg Ryan movie of all time. Meg Ryan is ADORIABLE in this movie and up until “Fierce Creatures” came out a few years later I thought that Kevin Klein was a French actor. He was so believable as a Frenchman that even acting next to the great French born Jean Reno I couldn’t call his bluff. In fact just from writing this I realize just how great this movie is and I’ve moved it up my list a notch. If you haven’t seen this movie you MUST give it a try. It has charm, charisma, romance and a pretty good soundtrack if I remember correctly. “I want you…” to go watch this movie right now! Go!!! Wait! Finish reading my list, then go.

“Oh, fuck, wank, bugger, shitting ass, head in hole!” Oh my God, don’t even get me started! This movie is the icing on the cake of all romantic comedies. You have like five different love stories going on at once, all their lives intertwine in some way, and not every story is the traditional “love story.” It’s about the love you feel for others, romantic love, love for family. It’s about love…actually. It’s British, It’s got Bill Nye and Hugh Grant and it takes place around Christmas. Throw in a ‘lil Mr. Bean and you got a real winner. I dare you to argue with me on this one.

It’s not so much a romantic comedy as it is a…I don’t know what’s the female equivalent to “bromance?” Vagmance…Rogina, no wait I got it Simance? Whatever you wanna call it, it’s a movie about the true bond of sisterhood. When two best friends get together, they can conquer the world, or at least a ten-year high school reunion. I wasn’t even sure this movie had a place on this list but if you know me you know that this movie absolutely has to be on here. After all it is the movie in which I took the quote about “Pretty Woman” a few paragraphs up. I will defend this movie to the end and I often have. I mean when Romy finally goes up to Christy and tells her off? “What is your problem Christy? Why are you always such a nasty bitch? Do you get some kind of sick pleasure out of torturing other people…you’re a bad person with an ugly heart and we don’t give a flying fuck what you think.” Blamo! I’ll never forget how that moment made me feel the first time I saw it. I could do that too. I wasn’t alone in feeling tortured by my peers and these women were still dealing with it ten years later! This movie is more than just a movie to me it’s a reminder of a simpler time. A time when my biggest worry was weather or not I was going to be made fun of at school today. A time when hanging out with your friends was just a matter of driving down the street to meet them. A time when you could sit around with your closest friends and watch “Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion.” I think that my best friends and I have watched this movie like at least 100 times. BTW, I didn’t even have to look up that earlier quote. I know it by heart!

I may not have seen it as many times as “Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion” or even as many times as many of the other movies on this list but that’s mostly because I always cry at the end.  I mean when the soaked little cat comes out from the alleyway I totally break down and sob. Like a bitch! This is another situation where a role and an actor were made for each other. Audrey Hepburn is so splendid in this movie…there are no words. I love it when she has that huge party in her apartment and she steps out just before the cops arrive only to point out to them where the party is happening like she doesn’t even live there. She won’t name her cat because she has no right to own him and she won’t fall in love because she doesn’t want to be a caged bird. “You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you’re terrified somebody’s going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself.” This movie is another example of a novel turned movie done right. Based on the novel of the same name by Truman Capote. This movie is a timeless love story and just a beautiful film in general, from the music, to the story and hell even to Mickey Rooney’s racist interpretation of an Asian man. With that I leave you with this:

Try to watch it all the way through. Love the payoff!

See more hilarious videos at: oldeenglish.org

Now go watch French Kiss!

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~ by Christy Earls on July 21, 2011.

15 Responses to “The Connoisseur of Comedy: Christy’s Top 10 Chick Flicks (No Heigl)”

  1. What about Glitter?

  2. Glitter? Really? Do I seem like the kind of girl that would even give that movie the time of day? I apologize if I gave you that impression.

  3. Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. YES. :]

  4. Nice list, but if you want anyone to take your writing seriously, you may want to run a spell check before you post…and brush up on their/there/they’re.

  5. I’m sorry you couldn’t get past the first sentence. English can be hard for some people. You should try taking an ESL course at a local CC, you’ll learn so much. Best of luck with being a bitch!
    As for spellcheck, I don’t know if you know this but words like, gonna, kinda, wanna and cansker, aren’t real words. Also, I do know how to use there, their and they’re.
    There=a place
    Their=possession
    They’re=contraction for they and are
    For example:
    “There are so may assholes on the Internet that think they know everything. They have no problem pushing their ideas of what is correct but really they’re just a bunch of uppity bitches.”
    Thank you to those who actually read and enjoyed this. Your comments are always appreciated.

  6. I was emailed to check this awful blog again by a random person. Now I see why.

    If you plan on posting something on the internet for the world to see and read you will need to learn to understand and accept that people will judge it. If you can’t handle it then don’t post it on the internet, simple as that. It’s sad that all you could do was use vulgar language as a “come back” and are proud of it. In addtion to being a awful writer you are an ignorant person who doesn’t know how to defend themselves without using vulgarity.

    I pride myself in being a college graduate with an English degree and I have worked with ESL students and they write better than you. So please do note disrespet people who need to take ESL so that they can reach their life goals.

    Respectfully.

  7. I will “note” disrespect ESL students ever again miss English degree.

  8. Also, miss English degree, you defeated your own argument by saying, “I had to stop reading after the first sentence.” You must be some magical English teacher to be able to determine that a blog is un-readable by reading just the first sentence.

    Miss English degree, you are too fixated on being a grammar Nazi to realize that Blogs have taken on a language of their own. Some Blogs are more traditional and some are more casual. This Blog, that you have deemed worthy of your criticism even though you didn’t read past the first sentence, leans heavy on the casual side.

    My dear miss English degree from (insert name of unaccredited college here), realize that sometimes people just want to have fun with writing -not to be tied down by the restraints of English, and if your going to criticize someones work please don’t disrespect them by essentially saying “you don’t have to read it to know its bad,” that makes you, miss English degree, seem like a complete jackass.

  9. Wow, this is still going on?

  10. Shit, cock, balls, bitch, pussy, cunt, boner, wiener, ass, tits, cum, jizz, nipple, meat pole, beef stick, woody, stiffy, skin flute, beef curtains, flesh clam, clit, dick, blow job, head, hummer, dome, twat, anal, bukkake, fart, Cleveland steamer, hot Carl, hot lunch, rusty trombone, fish eye, donkey punch, bush, squirt, golden shower, 69, pearl necklace, pile driver, pussy fart, queef, shit stained balls, cum soaked pubes, taking the beef bus to tuna town, riding the bologna pony, period, menstruation, kitty cat nose bleed, masturbation, having a tug of war with cyclops, peeling the banana, shining your helmet, playing with the little man in the boat, tickling the pink jellybean, punishing the cat, dining at the y, bumping doughnuts, flogging the dolphin, jerk off, jack off, rubbing one out, punishing little jimmy, milking the bull, spider man, super man, robocop, and bat man that ho….da bears!

    I think all that is spelled right. What’s that about being vulgar and proud?

  11. This is the first time I’ve read all of these comments, and I have to say……this is HILARIOUS!!!

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