Off the Top Rope: WWE RAW Recap 6/4/2012

It was another exciting night for wrestling fans this past Monday, when it was announced that the headlining match of the night was going to be… Wait for it… John Cena versus Michael Cole. Because when you think of an exciting match, you think Michael Cole. But we’ll get to that later. Let’s recap the events of the night leading up to this potentially stellar bout (Sensing the sarcasm?).

One of the best sidekick’s the business has seen in awhile.

We were treated to a decent match between Dolph Ziggler and Sheamus. I must say, it is nice to see Ziggler get another push considering he is one of the more talented superstars in the company and hasn’t been used properly since before the Elimination Chamber PPV. However, the win went to Sheamus, who was given the gift of being ambushed by Alberto Del Rio and sidekick Ricardo Rodriguez mid-celebration. Hopefully what we’re seeing is a push for both Ziggler AND Del Rio to challenge for the World Heavyweight title, which is a Three Way Dance that I wouldn’t mind seeing.

Look, it’s racially stereotypes come to life!

Next was the one-man Botchamania reel Sin Cara taking on Hunico. The match was chalk full of terribly botched moves, although it was one of Sin Cara’s better matches considering that Hunico is one of the few superstars in the WWE who can actually sell the lucha style. Sin Cara was the obvious victor, but the match was a predictable bust. And though the whole debacle with Sin Cara’s trampoline entrance has since been resolved by changing it entirely, the WWE really needs to axe the mood lighting that occurs during his matches. We don’t see it for any other superstar (most of which are far more deserving of such), so why does he get to have a lighting cue? I suppose it is their attempt to distract the audience and prevent them from actually noticing how botch-tastic the match actually is.

The resemblance is uncanny.

HEY YOU GUYS! It’s another Ryback squash match! Really, I am kind of fed up with this story. We get it, big guy beat up little guy (or guys in recent weeks). Rinse. Repeat. The squash match has been a staple in the industry for as long as professional wrestling has existed. But I can’t think of a time in recent memory when squash matches have been so over the top and ridiculous. Currently, there is four superstars in the WWE being pushed via the squash match: Sin Cara, Brotus Clay (who seems to be exiting that stage of his gimmick), Tensai (We’ll get to him later), and Ryback. But out of the four, Ryback is the only one with matches against independent wrestlers. If we are to believe that he is so dominating in the ring, then put him up against somebody with a little more clout than Joe Blow from Bum-Fuck-Who-Gives-A-Shit.

CM Punk is once again challenged by the Devil’s Favorite demon, this time in a match that “must have a winner”, whatever that means. Before the match, however, we were treated to another fabulous Q&A segment with Daniel Bryan. I must say, his character is truly flourishing as of late, especially now that they have him in a feud with long-time friend/rival Punk. Unfortunately, Kane has been shoehorned into the storyline, as we have now learned that the match to determine who will walk out of No Way Out the champ will include The Big Red Machine. But between the distractions with AJ and the newly added Kane, all we are getting is an unnecessarily crowded story, when all we really want or need is the two best wrestlers in the company going at each other for the most coveted belt in the WWE. Punk shined as usual, but multiple outside interference from both AJ and Bryan cost him the match. We were then witness to an odd encounter between AJ and Kane, which leaves me to assume that the bat-shit crazy diva will betray both Bryan and Punk at the upcoming PPV. Time will have to tell on this one.

After the campaign to keep Curt Hawkins and Tyler Rex employed, the two have now been transformed into a tag team. The pretty-in-pink duo got to showcase their abilities against Tag Team Champs Kofi Kingston and R Truth. Though the victory went to the champs, I was pleased to see Hawkins and Rex working well together. In fact, I am even more pleased to see a push for more tag teams in the WWE. I hope that the trend continues, because the tag team division has been horribly lacking in recent years.

Finally, the moment we have all been waiting for. After starting the show off criticizing Mr. Cena for not defending the firing of the Big Show several weeks

That doesn’t look like Michael Cole…

prior, we are to be treated to a match between the loud mouth announcer and the Doctor of Thuganomics himself. But before the match could begin, Mr. Laurenitis decides to change the stipulations of the match. He announces that the only way that Cena could face Michael Cole is if he defeats Tensai first. And wouldn’t you know it, he does. Then comes the humiliation of Cole. Cena rips the suit off of him, pours JR’s BBQ sauce all over him, sprays him with a fire extinguisher, and leaves him a humiliated mess. But just when you think that Cena has won the day, in comes Tensai to exact revenge. Albert… I mean Tensai, delivers his finisher, but Cole still manages to only get a two-count. Cena eventually delivers his typical move set and finishes the poor, humiliated Michael Cole.

Victim… or Martyr?

It wasn’t really a match to be honest. It was another attempt to win over wrestling fans by making Cena the super face that he has been for most of his career. Unfortunately, it isn’t going to work when Cole is out there literally saying all the things that fans like myself have been saying for some time. Cena is overrated and overexposed to the point where it is now ridiculous. He has headlined every PPV since Wrestlemania, which boggles my mind considering these matches aren’t even for the WWE championship.

Luckily for us, next week marks the return of one Vincent McMahon who will be evaluating the performance of our current GM John Laurenitis. Another 3 hour extravaganza next week, so stay tuned to Off the Top Rope for what will certainly be an exciting recap of events. See you next Tuesday!

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~ by Brandon Gnuschke on June 5, 2012.

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