Off the Top Rope: WWE RAW Recap 7/2/12

What better way to celebrate Independence Day than to sit in front of the television and watch men beat the crap out of each other. It’s the American Dream. So what happened last night? Let’s find out!

JOHN CENA ADDRESSES THE WWE UNIVERSE, MAYHEM ENSUES

The show kicks off with a run of the mill John Cena promo. He goes on for a bit talking about how he needs to be prepared for his Money in the Bank match, stating that friendships do not exist in a match like this. Funny, last time I checked, nobody else involved in this match were particularly friendly with Cena at the moment. In fact, two major feuds Cena has been involved with in the last six months were with Kane and Big Show… But I digress. All this Money in the Bank talk leads to former Money in the Bank winner Daniel Bryan to come out and announce that Cena isn’t even relevant and what is most important is that he will be walking out of this upcoming pay-per view as the new WWE Champ.

Naturally, this provokes Punk to emerge and rebut what Bryan has announced. Then Chris Jericho interrupts, causing more tension considering he is still stewing over his previous feud with Punk and his currently developing feud with Cena. He goes on to claim that nobody stands a chance against him in a Money in the Bank match, and challenges anyone to say otherwise. Naturally, Kane comes down the ramp and simply says “Otherwise.” This leads to the last Money in the Bank competitor, Big Show, to come out. And wouldn’t you know it? A fight breaks out! They all beat the crap out of each other until Big Show is the only man left standing. This leads to our confusing main event, but more on that later.

8-MAN TAG MATCH: CHRISTIAN, SANTINO MARELLA, KOFI KINGSTON AND R-TRUTH VS. PRIME TIME PLAYERS, CODY RHODES, DAVID OTUNGA

If there is one thing that the WWE loves to do, it’s mashing up feuds and putting it all into a tag team match. There’s so much going on in this match that it’s hard to keep up. Don’t get me wrong, I like all of the participants (except for Otunga), but this type of match really gets under my skin. Hopefully the move to a 3 hour long show will give these feuds more time to play out so we won’t have these mashups so often. Everybody, for the most part, had their moment in the sun. As if things couldn’t get any more busy in the ring, Brodus Clay decides to make an appearance and give the smackdown to the Harvard Law graduate. Again, I can’t remember what happened between these two to provoke this, but it happened and it led to Marella sealing the victory for his team. Dancing ensued. WINNERS: MARELLA, CHRISTIAN, KINGSTON, TRUTH

ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. SIN CARA

Alberto decided to give the WWE Universe an early 4th of July present by sparing us from having to endure another Sin Cara botchamania reel. Del Rio attacked Sin Cara before the match could even begin, ending the onslaught with his patented cross arm breaker. It was a nice display of power from Del Rio and will work in his favor going into Money in the Bank now that it has been decided that he is now the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship and will face Sheamus at the PPV. WINNER: NONE

PAUL HEYMAN DELIVERS MORE NEWS REGARDING BROCK LESNAR

After getting knocked out by Triple H the last time he entered the ring, the former ECW owner decided to give his Team Lesnar announcement via satellite. Heyman proclaimed that Lesnar would be delivering his answer to the WWE COO at the 1,000th episode of RAW on July 23rd, giving the world yet another reason to tune into what will be an action packed celebration.

MIXED TAG MATCH: SHEAMUS/AJ VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER/VICKIE GUERRERO

Because this feud needed further development, AJ and Vickie Guerrero got to hash out their differences again, this time dragging others into the fray. I understand why Sheamus and Ziggler would be involved, but it just seems odd placing the ginger-champ with AJ, considering AJ’s main focus right now is Punk and Bryan. It makes even less sense when the number one contender slot has gone to Del Rio, making Ziggler’s feud with Sheamus temporarily insignificant. This match was to push AJ. Really stop to think about that. A match that involved one of the best up and coming talents in the company, and the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION was created to give a crazy woman a push to further prove that she is crazy. I really hate how much I love wrestling sometimes, because otherwise I would be turning the television off at this point. Naturally, AJ pins Vickie, gets the win, and skips off chanting “YES!”. WINNER: AJ/SHEAMUS

IT’S HEATH SLATER TIME!!

So Heath Slater, even more upset this week about losing to yet another WWE legend, announces to the world the he is “not a clown!” He’s not a CLOWN… Oh boy… That can only mean…

That’s right! It’s Doink!

In a surprising twist, the One Man Band actually managed to deliver his modified neckbreaker on the clown and pull off the win! Good for Heath Slater! Certainly his luck is changing for the better…

Or maybe not…

The crowd erupts as former WCW Champion and star of “Ready to Rumble” Diamond Dallas Page makes his presence known. Upon first glance, Page seemed to have no beef with Slater, going so far as to extend his hand to congratulate him. Suddenly, Slater became victim to the infamous “Diamond Cutter”, leaving him beaten down by yet another legend. This double feature of Doink and Page was the highlight of the night for me, and I can’t wait to see who else is in line to kick Slater’s arse.

NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: BIG SHOW VS. KANE

I guess these two were feuding behind the scenes or something, because I can’t seem to figure out why these two are considered to be involved in such a huge rivalry. Hell, if anything this match is sillier when you remember that last year these two were a tag team that had resorted itself to dancing in the middle of the ring with Santino Marella. Anyway, the two big men knocked each other around for awhile until Show managed to chokeslam the Big Red Monster on to a chair to pick up the victory. Just further pushing the point that Big Show is supposed to be an unstoppable machine, and it’s up to Cena to stop him at Money in the Bank. Yawn. WINNER: BIG SHOW

TYSON KIDD VS. TENSAI

This push for Tyson Kidd has certainly come out of nowhere. I know that they are doing it so it will make him seem more legitimate going into his Money in the Bank match, but it just makes me wonder why they just didn’t put somebody else in who has more fan support than Kidd? That way you wouldn’t have to embarrass poor Tensai by getting rolled up in 30 seconds. Seriously, that’s what Kidd did. But then again, it doesn’t help Tensai going into Money in the Bank either, who has recently fallen out of favor with both the fans and the guys running the show backstage. Another victim of a poor gimmick, Tensai should not be one of the participants in this match. In fact, the only person involved in the Smackdown MitB match who I think deserves to be there is Damien Sandow. That kid is going places! WINNER: TYSON KIDD

TAG MATCH: JERICHO/BRYAN VS. CENA/PUNK

Yet another confusing mashup of feuds and storylines. It’s really getting out of hand at this point. Why wouldn’t the four former champions involved in the Money in the Bank match be placed into a tag match? You might think that it’s because all four of them hate each other and it would just result in all four of them eventually beating the snot out of each other. Well guess what? That would have been better than what this match was. For no reason, the Punk/Bryan/AJ debacle was shoehorned into the MitB story, and with negative results. Halfway through the match, Cena and Jericho walked up the ramp beating the hell out of each other, so there goes that.

So that leaves Punk and Bryan, as it should of been in the first place. But naturally, AJ decides to come down to the ring and ruin everything. Can’t these two just have a match without outside interference? At this point I’m thinking about splicing their Ring of Honor matches into the show in place of whatever match they are about to have on RAW. At least that way I can watch two talented wrestlers get to, you know, wrestle. Anyway, here comes AJ for her repeat appearance, this time… contemplating suicide? As Punk and Bryan lay injured off screen, AJ pulls a table out, sets it up outside the ring, and proceeds to climb up to the top turnbuckle, presumably to jump on to it. Bryan gets in front of the table and begins to try and talk her out of it. Then Punk climbs up to AJ to further talk her out of this stunt/suicide attempt/whatever. And then this happens…

And after she does that, she does this…

The show goes dark with AJ standing atop her throne, chanting “Yes!” to the masses. WINNER: NO DECISION

This episode of RAW was weak. Very weak. I can only hope that the return of The Great American Bash tonight for a special Super Smackdown show will breathe some much needed life into the exhausted story lines they have going on right now. Until then, this is Brandon from “Off the Top Rope”, tapping out for now!

Advertisements

~ by Brandon Gnuschke on July 3, 2012.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: